Beyond “Good Job”: Praising your Child

Here are some tips for praising your child:

• Sometimes it is easier to notice what your child is doing wrong. So try to notice small changes or successes and then say encouraging things to your child. Experts say that it takes SIX positive comments to counteract one negative comment.
• Be specific in your praise. Focus on the process or the effort the child is making, rather than the result. Research shows that children work harder and attempt harder tasks when efforts are praised. So try: “Wow! You spent several minutes making sure you brushed all your teeth!”
• Separate the child from their behavior and praise the behavior. Instead of commenting that your child is smart, try: “You worked hard at finding where those puzzle pieces fit.” Children who are frequently told that they are smart, or good, or athletic, will be upset by failures and will choose easier tasks.
• With little ones, an easy way to praise is to simply describe what they have done: “You found a place on the shelf for ALL those toys!”

Most of us will revert to “Good job!” occasionally, but trying to focus on the effort and making our praise more specific will encourage our children more.